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Old February 10th, 2008, 02:07 PM   #1
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Peter's Drunken Adventures

I'm bored and so I decided, to liven this place up I'll just make an ass out of myself describing my weekend adventures of me being drunk. Oneyedjap and jake you guys should chime in from time to if you have some good one's also i figure i might as well makes this my blog/public journal. This way when I'm so 30 bald and married I remenisce on the good times. O if you don't want to read it congrats, or if you don't believe congrats. Everything i type on here will be true well at least what I can remember. I'll probably have a decent story every weekend, maybe sometimes 2-3 stories,but every monday or tuesday I'll try to recount my weekend activities on here. Some storesi may be lame,but this thread is mostly for me and makes great stuff to talk about.


Ok anyways here goes....

This weekend I went with my buddy i went to College with let's call him Jerry( we work together also) even though that's not his real name but it's close. Anyways me and Jerry drove up from Cincy after work on Friday to his place in Aroura(suburb of cleveland). We got their and started drinking with his goofy ass friend JOE, this kid is hilarious, I have stores about him,but that's for another time. We went to Kent State's campus, btw this night was kind of lame, Saturday is where it got really interesting to say the least. So anyways went to Kent State, and were pounding beer, go from bar to bar, until we settled at this pretty cool one. There was 2 girls, straight trailor trash, I mean one was so digusting it made me want to puke, I mean mullet, teeth so fucked up I couldn't tell where her row of teeth began and which one's were missplaced, they're were all sorts of fucked up. she had on sweat's also. Anyways this other skanky one was actually decently hott, for a trailer trash, had an amazing body, some nasty hair and a decent face, but nothing I'd put my dick in, much less have a conversation with. BUt hey we have Joe who knows how to make a lame night interesting. Next thing we know he's all over the hott trailor trash girl, won't leave the slut alone, he takes her upstairs part of the bar where there's a dance floor. So we follow because w know if he's actually gonna get anywhere with this girl we have to try to wingman, as much as i knew if I talked to her friend anymore I'd puke. But hey I'm a good friend. So i give it about 5 mins, and it's obviously not going anywhere. So I get up and just go stair a tv and drink some beer figuring he'd just get her number and go, but no he sits there for 20 minutes. During all this time There's obese chicks all over I mean it was fucking herd of cattle grinding on the Stripper pol, think Norbert, but 5-7 of them. Of course these trashy cow's think their hott, because there these stupud fucking wannabe rappers hitting on them. Seriously wtf is it with Black dudes and fat white chicks, their fucking ugly! Anyways Jerry Finally has had enough too so we ditch Joe at the table by the dance floor, and go back down stairs, where I consume large amounts of alchol( Don't worry guys Joe was the DD) with Jerry. It comes 1:30 and we decide to call it a night because there was nothing worth talking too( by this time Joe left the trailer trash. O actually funny side story. She ordered a drink and he stole it from her, it was a Long Island ICE tee too that's not a cheap drink, before she even took a sip, so i obviously pounded that really fast), well actually there was but i was a pussy little bitch nad never initiated a conversation with 3 smoking hott Greek girls(well that's what Joe swore they were). They were hott,but i figured we had no where to fuck them, because we were at my buddies house for the night. Anyways Jerry passes out on the car ride home, so My genius decides it's a great idea to hitt up this hole in the wall bar, in some white tash town. We get there at about 1:45, so everyone is hammerd by this time, i go in wasted. see nothing but ugly chick, and decide we need to go. On the way out, I hear in that straight hick voice. " You dancing with my Woman!?" and 2 farmers looked like they were ready to trade pitch forks. Was hilarious because the chick was ugly as sin. Anyways we drive home, and I pass out. Like i said night was lame. Saturday night WOW.


Ok so Jerry's Buddy Ronny(once again not his real name)is having his 24th birthday Party, in which he lives in Akron with 4 smoking hot chicks, I mean fake Blonde Hair fake tits(which they're not afraid to put on display), pretty muc the perfect 1 nighter girl,nothing you'd bring home to mom. He's getting a Party bus for 40 people. Anyways a little bit about ronny, he fucks girls, thats what he does. He's a fucking legend. he's well over 250 different chicks, he's fucked 10 alone this year. it's hilarious to because he's 6'1 150lbs,but looks like the lead singer in Maroon 5 so he gets laid pretty easily. Anyways he's been fucking one of the roomates he lives with, she looks like a freak with the amount of make up she wears,but she'd be really hott if you were wasted and in a dimely light room hahahahahahah. Ok anyways I show up with a 750ml of captain, which i consume in under 3 hrs, so 10pm comes time to get on the bus and I'm so pretty fucked up at this point. The bus drive is an hr long ride. O and btw Joe in the same amount of time put down a whole Litre of Vodka, so he's fucking DONE! I mean he passes out in the bus, people are all worried about him it was pretty funny in it's own right, but we just like It's JOE. That' what we always say, because it's fucking JOE. kid is just a trip. Anyways we arrive in down town cleveland on 6th street at about 11pm, and I'm doing the usualy bar thing, drinking beer. Anyways 5 minutes in the 1st bar I'm in I get a test message. It's one chick back from OU who has always wanted to fuck me, i always declined her because she was kind of big, but She'd be a 10 is she lost about 20lbs. So he's pretty fucking hott when you're wasted. Anyways she sends me a test I hear your in cleveland meet me at this bar. I go meet her, where I lead her out the bar to a bar and to her APT, which is about 6 blocks away, too far to walk, when you're drunk and wanna fuck. I get to her apartment, and I'm getting ready to fuck her when she stops., and makes me put on a fucking condom, only chick I've ever fucked with a condom on( I usually pull out and blow it on their face and get a BJ at the end, if you don't do this with randoms or one nights you're a fucking pussy) So I'm fucking her, and it's awful it was hot dogs down a hallway awful( Jap I need some 15 year old pussy, any cheap tickets to denver?) So I'm fucking her( btw this chick is in love with me so I pretty much just put her on Planet 9), she's screaming were doing different positions you know the usual, she was even bitting me which was weird.( all this time I'm bitching about having to where a condom) Anyways i get done and I didn't want anything to do with her,but Since I was so fucking drunk i figured it was like 2:30 I missed the fuckiing bus back to akron. So I'm like shit I'm going to have to stay the night GOD FUCKING DAMINT!!!, but no I pull out my cell and check the time it's only fucking 1am!!!! Fuck yes! I hurry up out of bed throw on my clothes, at this time she in histerics begging me to spend the night wondering why I'm leaving. I don't say a word I throw on my clothes and go. Anyways I got lost in the APT trying to find the fucking elevator for like 10 minutes, I mean I'm in an abosulte rush to get back the bars, because I'm fucked if i miss it. I've never been to CLE before and I wasn't going back to her. Anyways i finally get out of the place, and figure fuck it I'll walk back to the bar, so I'm asking random people where it is.btw during all this it's 25 windy and snowing, all I'm wearing are jeans a button down an undershirt, so let's just say my fucking nipples were quite hard. Anyways i give up after pretty much getting lost in a city I've never been in i got bums asking me for money, so i finally just flag down a cab. Hilarious was the cab ride. I'm like bars I need to get back to the bar like now!( it was 1:45 at this point) ok so the cabby resets the meter to 3.00, LOL i shit you not the cab ride was 3.40, he must have gone 1000yds. So i give him $5 because sI'm so ufcking thankful, but it was pretty hilarious, I felt like an Idiot. Anyways I make it to the bars find my friends. They're all high fiving me, because it's not often to go out, find a chick, fuck her at her place, and make it back in time to go to the bars again. I pulled off quite the act. So I'm getting the hi fives and congrats, and i get a text message.

You wouldn't have to wear a condom if you married me.

So naturally I'm in hysterics and show all my friends, I of course don't respond. 1 hour later next text message.

I hate U.

ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS, fucking awesome. So i naturally show all my friends this message also.
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Old February 10th, 2008, 02:07 PM   #2
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Anyways we get back on the Bus, my moment of glory was over, i tried getting #2, but was unsuccessful. So back on the bus, all these randoms girls and dudes are getting on the bus that defintly didn't ride up there with us. I'm like wtf and like haha whatever it will be hilarious when they're stuck in another city at 3:30 am with no where to go, in a snow storm.

The bus ride back was quite a blur,but i can remember Ronny's fuck buddy roomate, was not happy because Ronny, is as usual making out with a random chick he picked up at the bar. All this time his skanky fuckbuddy, is getting jealous she's rubbing her self on every guy, so I'm hitting on her but not really trying I didn't want the akwardness in the morning. Ronny in the mean time if going to town on this chick, I mean he almost fucked her on the bus in front of every body shit was crazy. So anyways we get back to the house, and we all run up to ronny's room because we're fucking wasted and were passing out in his room, before he got that girl up there. Anyways he comes in this chick is kind of embarrassed so she goes down stairs. In the mean time Jerry and couple of my other friends are all ready passed out. I get up an go grab some water, because I know I had a 4 hr car ride back home the next day. the chick ronny is getting ready to fuck is down stairs crying, haha, because i think she got in a fight with the fuckbuddy roomate who isn't to happy at this point in time, but IMO it was because she wasn't gonna get to fuck tonight. So I go back upstairs and pass out. i figure the night is over, it's not. I'm told the next day Ronny fucked her on his bed anyways, with me not even 1 foot from the bed. And she was crazy, apperently yelling at him to say "whose your daddy" and " fuck me you little bitch". Yeah it was crazy.

Anyways that was my drunken tail this week, sorry if you couldn't follow, I'm not a writer you all know that. Maybe I'll improve through out the weeks. O on a side note that was my 1st time having sex in a while, I've only fucked 7 different girls, so I'm not a whore.
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Old February 10th, 2008, 02:27 PM   #3
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Old February 10th, 2008, 04:53 PM   #4
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Old February 10th, 2008, 04:58 PM   #5
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Jesus damn,,,,,, condense that shit into one maybe two paragraphs at the most then I'll read it. Otherwise I'll just wait for the movie.

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Old February 10th, 2008, 04:59 PM   #6
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Old February 10th, 2008, 05:00 PM   #7
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Is that all?
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Old February 11th, 2008, 09:22 AM   #8
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Is that all?
yes i'll try again next week.
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Old February 11th, 2008, 10:36 AM   #9
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I get to her apartment, and I'm getting ready to fuck her when she stops., and makes me put on a fucking condom, only chick I've ever fucked with a condom on( I usually pull out and blow it on their face and get a BJ at the end, if you don't do this with randoms or one nights you're a fucking pussy)
Mmm, because that's a surefire way to ensure she doesn't get pregnant and also prevent getting an STD.
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Old February 11th, 2008, 11:11 AM   #10
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If anyone had any doubts as to whether or not Peter was a fucking moron, this post solidifies the fact.
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Old February 11th, 2008, 12:04 PM   #11
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If anyone had any doubts as to whether or not Peter was a fucking moron, this post solidifies the fact.
That's what I'm looking for! Especially from you groo now I just need gamblor and texbum to come in here and condone the way I handle myself, and I can finally complete the complete douche bag trifector!
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Old February 11th, 2008, 12:05 PM   #12
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Mmm, because that's a surefire way to ensure she doesn't get pregnant and also prevent getting an STD.
well i know the chick is clean, and i wasn't gonna blow in her.
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Old February 11th, 2008, 12:57 PM   #13
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well i know the chick is clean, and i wasn't gonna blow in her.
I hate to burst your bubble, but if she's gonna jump into bed with you, she's done it with other guys. Maybe just a few. Maybe hundreds. Welcome to the STD lottery!

Oh and you don't have to "blow" inside a girl for her to get pregnant. You might want to look into that...
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Old February 11th, 2008, 01:06 PM   #14
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I hate to burst your bubble, but if she's gonna jump into bed with you, she's done it with other guys. Maybe just a few. Maybe hundreds. Welcome to the STD lottery!

Oh and you don't have to "blow" inside a girl for her to get pregnant. You might want to look into that...
I've known the girl for a while, she's wanted me for a while.

Anyways i guess every girl has a STD stay away i repeat stay away!!!

seriously shutup.

and I know about the whole girl can get pregnant with out blowing my loud shit yeah yeah yeah trust me i'm fine.
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Old February 11th, 2008, 01:40 PM   #15
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and I know about the whole girl can get pregnant with out blowing my loud shit yeah yeah yeah trust me i'm fine.
Sterile?
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Old February 11th, 2008, 02:13 PM   #16
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So I'm fucking her, and it's awful it was hot dogs down a hallway awful( Jap I need some 15 year old pussy, any cheap tickets to denver?)
Haha! That is definitely one of the perks of dippin' back into high school.


My weekend was awfully damn fun, but it was mostly just a bunch of old friends reminiscing, playing some Rock Band, and then getting drunk with a few more people later on. Nothing that would make for an interesting story to outsiders this time around.

It's only a matter of time though...
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Old February 11th, 2008, 02:20 PM   #17
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While we're on the topic of STDs, anybody know much about chlamydia? My friend's girlfriend has a really hot roommate, but she contracted chlamydia about a month ago... So I guess this raises a few questions.

How long does it take to go away?
What would be the chances of me getting it if I used a condom?
If I took that chance and it went awry, how shitty would that be for me?
How hot would a girl have to be for you to bang her knowing full well she had it?

Ready... GO!
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Old February 11th, 2008, 02:50 PM   #18
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While we're on the topic of STDs, anybody know much about chlamydia? My friend's girlfriend has a really hot roommate, but she contracted chlamydia about a month ago... So I guess this raises a few questions.

How long does it take to go away?
What would be the chances of me getting it if I used a condom?
If I took that chance and it went awry, how shitty would that be for me?
How hot would a girl have to be for you to bang her knowing full well she had it?

Ready... GO!
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/hea.../chlamydia.htm
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Old February 11th, 2008, 02:55 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OneEyedJap View Post
While we're on the topic of STDs, anybody know much about chlamydia? My friend's girlfriend has a really hot roommate, but she contracted chlamydia about a month ago... So I guess this raises a few questions.

How long does it take to go away?
What would be the chances of me getting it if I used a condom?
If I took that chance and it went awry, how shitty would that be for me?
How hot would a girl have to be for you to bang her knowing full well she had it?

Ready... GO!
pain or burning feeling while urinating
pus or watery or milky discharge from the penis
swollen or tender testicles
rectal inflammation <=======

Trust me dude pass.
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Old February 11th, 2008, 02:56 PM   #20
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"Chlamydia can also make men sterile. It can spread from the urethra to the testicles. Then it can result in a condition called epididymitis. Acute epididymitis can cause sterility."

I guess that answers most of my questions...

It doesn't say much about how long it takes to cure though. From what I'm reading, she probably got rid of it by now.
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Old February 11th, 2008, 03:41 PM   #21
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You actually watched Norbit?

Man I must be getting old, because that story seemed like more trouble than it was worth.

Congrats pete, you should have fucked Ronny's fuck buddy tho.
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Old February 11th, 2008, 03:43 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by texbumTHElife View Post
You actually watched Norbit?

Man I must be getting old, because that story seemed like more trouble than it was worth.

Congrats pete, you should have fucked Ronny's fuck buddy tho.
IDK dude she was looking scarey.


Yeah I wanted to see Eddie Murphy acting as that huge bitch, I thought it would of been hilarious even if it sucked, but it was still just awful.
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Old February 11th, 2008, 04:08 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by turningpoint View Post
pain or burning feeling while urinating
pus or watery or milky discharge from the penis
swollen or tender testicles
rectal inflammation <=======

Trust me dude pass.

You haven't lived untill you've had puss and blood oozing from your dick.
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Old February 11th, 2008, 04:24 PM   #24
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Old February 11th, 2008, 04:51 PM   #25
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