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View Full Version : This time, the cat has gone to far!



BIG MIKE
May 13th, 2004, 09:08 PM
:evil:

Hokay, so's I get home from work for lunch today all tired and thinkin about a nap an stuff, so I head upstairs and go to flop into bed,,,, and what do I find lying in the middle of my FK'ing bed?! a freshly laid pile of cat shit!!!!! to me, that's crossing the line- it's one thing to leave shit on the floor in the kitchen where the cat knows I'll walk into it in the middle of the night, but shitting on my bed takes this game to a whole new level!

Of course I did the sane thing, and chased the gawdamned cat around the house for ten minutes, carried it back up to the scene of the crime, mushed her head into the pile while screaming "DON'T SHIT ON MY GAWDAMNED BED!!!!!" and threw in a few " BAD CAT,,,,, BAD CAT!!!!!" for good measure. Once freed the cat took off like a shot back under the couch and spent the rest of the day hiding and figuring ways to get the shit off it's head (hope it tasted good motherfucker! sucks to not have thumbs don't it?!) I'm not sure that if I feel that enuff revenge has been had on my part- I'm thinking of evening the score later tonight when the wife goes to bed by pissing in the cats water dish.

One more time,,,,,, and I'm gonna hog tie that gawdamned cat everytime I leave the house.

leo
May 13th, 2004, 09:17 PM
poor kitty :(

TOPDOG
May 14th, 2004, 12:26 PM
laughing my ass off.

RaVeN69
May 14th, 2004, 02:05 PM
How about taking a dump in his litter box or someplace special he likes to sleep? :dirty:

Bingo
May 14th, 2004, 02:23 PM
How about taking a dump in his litter box or someplace special he likes to sleep? :dirty:

Better yet, take a dump in its mouth then crack him in the jaw.

Big9erFan
May 15th, 2004, 01:19 AM
:evil:

Hokay, so's I get home from work for lunch today all tired and thinkin about a nap an stuff, so I head upstairs and go to flop into bed,,,, and what do I find lying in the middle of my FK'ing bed?! a freshly laid pile of cat shit!!!!! to me, that's crossing the line- it's one thing to leave shit on the floor in the kitchen where the cat knows I'll walk into it in the middle of the night, but shitting on my bed takes this game to a whole new level!

Of course I did the sane thing, and chased the gawdamned cat around the house for ten minutes, carried it back up to the scene of the crime, mushed her head into the pile while screaming "DON'T SHIT ON MY GAWDAMNED BED!!!!!" and threw in a few " BAD CAT,,,,, BAD CAT!!!!!" for good measure. Once freed the cat took off like a shot back under the couch and spent the rest of the day hiding and figuring ways to get the shit off it's head (hope it tasted good motherfucker! sucks to not have thumbs don't it?!) I'm not sure that if I feel that enuff revenge has been had on my part- I'm thinking of evening the score later tonight when the wife goes to bed by pissing in the cats water dish.

One more time,,,,,, and I'm gonna hog tie that gawdamned cat everytime I leave the house.

If only I could give you more positive rep for the laugh you just gave me and the wife.

I think my favorite line was "sucks to not have thumbs don't it?!"...

BIG MIKE
May 15th, 2004, 09:34 AM
Thanks for your support Big9erfan. I am hopefull that the cat and I now have a mutual understanding.

jaydot
May 15th, 2004, 07:06 PM
That poor cat.....


There was some lady I heard a story on that taught her cat to use the toilet. I'd have no idea where to find a link on it now though. Maybe you could send your cat to her for a bit?

RaVeN69
May 15th, 2004, 07:10 PM
If Mr. Jingles from Meet The Parents can do it, I'm sure Big Mike's cat can do it as well. Of course, since he doesn't have opposable thumbs, flushing will be the only problem. :p

SmAsHeD IxNaY
May 16th, 2004, 01:15 AM
Lmao! Good stuff Mike! I sent you some rep, but accidently hit enter before I finished, lol!

Orinoco Flow
July 25th, 2004, 06:08 AM
ha ha


B-Mike vs. the cat.


Updates, Mike?

Fairwarning
July 26th, 2004, 02:14 AM
LMAO...oh man...this one..it has to win the post of the year award..I cant keep from laughing..the thumbs remark, and the pissing in the water dish..lol...oh fuck...lol...my sides...

BIG MIKE
July 26th, 2004, 08:47 PM
ha ha


B-Mike vs. the cat.


Updates, Mike?




Well, since you asked-

It seems the cat and I have come to a mutual understanding. She doesn't shit in my bed, and I don't kick her ass. Actualy the problem may have been the litter box. In the past I treated the litter box much like the garbage can, as long as the garbage aint falling out of it, it don't need to be dumped. Well the wife seemed to think that the cat didn't like having to "climb the mountain" so, I have relented and now go grubbing in the gawdamned cat box every day. Highlight of my morning is finding the big fucking clumps down at the bottom :mad: Kinda like panning for gold, except instead of finding gold, I find clumps of shit, wet clay piss globs, and sumtimes partialy digested hair.

Shoulda just strangled the beast.


The cat has only had 1 relapse, and survived only because the wife and kids cleaned it up before I got home from work, they didn't tell me about it until I was way to intoxicated to have any chance at all of chasing down the bastardly cat, and most importantly it wasn't my bed.

necrolust
July 27th, 2004, 02:41 AM
so, in other words, the cat has won :p

brings back memories of a certain dragon lmao

BrntGuy
July 27th, 2004, 05:38 PM
Yea sounds like the cat has them trained! :p

BIG MIKE
July 27th, 2004, 08:52 PM
Well gawdamn,,,,,,, the cat fights dirty! just like that damn dragon!!

necrolust
July 28th, 2004, 12:21 AM
Well gawdamn,,,,,,, the cat fights dirty! just like that damn dragon!!
:saywhat:

please, we were there, when i found you you were curled up in the fetal position wailing like a baby.

I can only imagine what your wife found :rolleyes:

BIG MIKE
March 23rd, 2005, 09:41 PM
__________________UPDATE__________________________ _____


As of 5:15 pm the cat has been moved out. For awhile she quit her bastardly shitting/pissing on beds and things were fine. She started up again last week and got away with one pile of shit, and two piss pudles.

She is now some other suckers problem.


The final score

gawdamn cat 6

Big Mike 2 (1 point for kicking her ass the first time, and one for duping the sucker)

sucker -1

molsonmuscle
March 23rd, 2005, 09:48 PM
you sure it wasn't you pissin on the bed mike?

Duh Professuh
March 24th, 2005, 01:15 AM
:evil:

Hokay, so's I get home from work for lunch today all tired and thinkin about a nap an stuff, so I head upstairs and go to flop into bed,,,, and what do I find lying in the middle of my FK'ing bed?! a freshly laid pile of cat shit!!!!! to me, that's crossing the line- it's one thing to leave shit on the floor in the kitchen where the cat knows I'll walk into it in the middle of the night, but shitting on my bed takes this game to a whole new level!

Of course I did the sane thing, and chased the gawdamned cat around the house for ten minutes, carried it back up to the scene of the crime, mushed her head into the pile while screaming "DON'T SHIT ON MY GAWDAMNED BED!!!!!" and threw in a few " BAD CAT,,,,, BAD CAT!!!!!" for good measure. Once freed the cat took off like a shot back under the couch and spent the rest of the day hiding and figuring ways to get the shit off it's head (hope it tasted good motherfucker! sucks to not have thumbs don't it?!) I'm not sure that if I feel that enuff revenge has been had on my part- I'm thinking of evening the score later tonight when the wife goes to bed by pissing in the cats water dish.

One more time,,,,,, and I'm gonna hog tie that gawdamned cat everytime I leave the house.
I have the same problems. We had 8 cats in the house. We're slowly but surely getting rid of some of them. We're down to 6 now. But the last cat we're getting rid of has that problem of pissing on beds, spraying all over the damn house, or shitting all over the house. The thing is, this cat is one bad ass mofo. Anytime you try to get him in a cage, he trys to bite.

He'll be leaving within the next few days hopefully.

BIG MIKE
March 24th, 2005, 06:34 AM
you sure it wasn't you pissin on the bed mike?

Yeah, perty sure.


Gawdamn, 8 cats?! better be carefull, you're perty outnumbered and they may devour you in your sleep!

krazy
April 17th, 2005, 07:36 PM
super glue his ass shut.... see if it comes out the other end........